Paul Shields- Are You Ready to be a Superstar?!

As Paul & The Violent Farmers' manager and promoter, I have begun a campaign that will launch the career of our favorite Farmer into the laugh-o-sphere. I call it the "2006 I Wrote This When I Was Drunk World Tour". I have narrowed the list of venues in Columbia that are capable of showcasing Paul's emmense talent to eight. Obviously, the content of Paul's material makes it very important to find venues where positively no children will be present. These places include comedy clubs, night clubs, and strip clubs. I have written letters to the talent coordinators and club owners of these establishments and included a copy of Paul's demo CD (with a parental advisory warning) as well. Hopefully, we will begin receiving overwhelming responses as soon as next week.

I am sorry it took so long to get the ball rolling, Paulie. My only excuse is that I have the mental capacity and attention span of a gnat. After we conquer Columbia, we'll set our sights on the rest of the world. Buckle up...its going to be one helluva ride!

Blog Daddy-Scavenger Hunter

I thought someone should set the bar for others to reach for in the St. Paddy's/Aimeefest Scavenger Hunt. Here is my effort (before even heading to the bars.)

1. Pack of mints (in hand).
2. Plunger
3. Button (Says "Happy St. Patty's Day" instead of "Kiss Me I'm Irish")
4. I.D. (in hand) proving my last name is Irish (Naughton was Mac Naughton in the old country.)
5. Camoflage bandana
6. Eye patch
7. Green underwear (with shamrocks)
8. And I am a dirty old man.

That's eight items without leaving the house. Now let's see who can top that. May the luck of the Irish be with you.

The List

Here is the scavenger Hunt list so far. Final plea for more ideas


Miscellaneous
pack of mints
plunger
wallet with a chain
anything with "Git er Done"
picture of a monkey
"Kiss Me I'm Irish" button
Condom

ID Required
Irish name
porno/ stripper name
birthday today

Appearances
green make-up
green jewelry
unibrow
comb-over/ toupee
tattoo of someone's name
tattoo of an animal
mullet

Attire
camouflage
eye patch
green underwear

Look Alike
Dirty Old Man
Hooker
Kenny Rogers
Wynona Judd

Stunts
person w/ whole fist in their mouth
person can touch nose with tongue
piggy back riders
pole dancer
team signs someone's body

Birthday Girl
lap dance
body shot

Aimeefest 2006

As I've mentioned in previous posts Friday is not only St. Patty's day, but also the Aimsters B-Day. Last year she was toast drunk by 9:00, and I hope to help keep with that tradition again this year. As normal we will be bar hopping, but this year I think we are going to put a little twist on the festivities, in the form of a "Drunken Bar Hopping Scavenger Hunt".
At each bar we are going to be split into teams with a list of stupid stuff to find. Here is were I could use a little help- what do I put on the list? Here are a couple of things I was thinking about:

Green Underwear (extra points if its a bra and panties both)
Mullet (extra points if its a female)
Uni-Brow (extra points for a female)
Kenny Rogers (again extra points for a female)
Piggy Back Riders (extra points if its a dude ridding on a girls back)
Animal tattoo (extra points if it's a cartoon animal- Tweety Bird, Mighty Mouse, etc.)


So anybody else got some ideas?

Chinese, Blacks, and Irish Unite!

What do Chinese-Americans and Irish-Americans have in common? The obvious answer is their love of beer. Paul is a drinker of the Asian Persuasion while I imbibe in the Style of the Emerald Isle. Aside from our mutual love of intoxicants, our forefathers shared a common past in the history of America. As the slavery of African-Americans was outlawed, the railroad industry was being born. Cheap labor was needed to build the massive rail system, so Chinese and Irish immigrants as well as "freed" African slaves were indentured into servitude by the money-hungry railroad companies. This part of American history has never been honored by an official, commemorative holiday. Until now.

On March 17th, everyone in America and various parts of the world will be Irish for a day. This is of course because of St. Patrick's Day. It only makes sense that an Irish-Catholic holiday be turned into an excuse for everyone to drink green beer. I use the occasion to celebrate my Irish heritage and to pay homage to the sacrifices my people made when they came to America. The Chinese-Americans and African-Americans don't really have a beer-bash holiday to commemorate their ancestors' contribution to the development of the American West, so I invite them to share in the festivities of St. Patrick's Day as well. I say that Irish-Americans, African-Americans, and Chinese-Americans share a lot of history and I think that it is high time we share a holiday.

On March 17th, raise your glass of green beer or Irish whiskey to honor our uniquely American twist on the St. Patrick's Day holiday. Raise your drink and make a toast to the Paulies, Colins, and Travises of the world and all of the other Chinese-African-Irish-American people who will unite for one special night of over-drinking and revelry. (Note to Paul and Colin: Saying "Kiss me, I'm Irish" to every girl in the bar will eventually meet success. That's what they call it "the luck of the Irish!" Just don't offer to show them your leprechaun.)

OK, I Finished the Story

I finally completed the "Boots Are Made for Walking , Annie Lennox Cult" story, but for some reason it showed up before Aimees part 1.5. So you have to go back two post to read it.

Part II of the Tale of the These Boots Are Made For Walking Annie Lennox Cult

Ok this is part two so make sure you read the previous post first, or you may be a little lost. You know what screw it, I experienced the story and I'm still lost just keep on reading. Also another warning, there is a good chance that this story is going to end up being pretty damn anti-climactic.


Like I said before I was drunk, and this old guy has just invited us into his "Magic Room". All of the old guys girls seem to get excited when he proposed this idea, so I went along with them secretly hoping in the back of my mind that the "Magic Room " was similar to the "Champagne Room" at the strip club (In case my mom is reading-I've never actually been to a strip cub, I've just heard stories). Inside the room were 4 or 5 statues of some Egyptian Pharaohs, and a bunch of other Egyptian artifacts (they all looked really fake) that he said came off of the set of the movie "The Mummy". The room wasn't very large and had what looked like a Black Jack table as the centerpiece. He then tells us to take a seat around the table, because he was going to do some card tricks. What? The "Magic Room" was actually for doing magic? What happened to the "Champagne Room" I was hoping for? So we sat down and the guy pulls out a deck of cards. Once we were seated, the door opens and another girl (this one is an older gal) comes in dress in a mini skirt and hooker boots, with that same damn Annie Lennox hair cut. Now I'm really starting to think something weird is going on. At least before I could have passed the outfits off as their going out to the club clothes, but now here comes this lady in her 40's who hasn't been out at all- with the same outfit as the girls. My head was now spinning trying to figure out what was going on. The only thing I could think of was that maybe they were prostitutes, and this old guy was their pimp? If this was the case why were all the girls standing away from us and why would the pimp be getting ready to do magic? I decide to just go with the flow, and see if I can collect some more information.

The old guy proceeds to do like 45 min. of tricks. He does a bunch of card tricks, some trick with a match and some deal where he makes little nerf balls appear and disappear. After each trick his girls all oohh and ahhh, as if they've never seen him do any of this before. Also again I notice that the old guy is still concentrating every thing he does around the girl in my group of friends. Like I said he does this for a little over 45 min. and then suggest that we play a little game of Strip Poker. Huh? Did I just hear that right? At this point I speak up and voice my concerns that there was only one girl at the table and he had just got done pulling whatever card he wanted from thin air. Then the girl that was with us also speaks up and let's the old guy know that she does not want to get naked. I could tell by his face that the old guy didn't like the fact that our friend wasn't budging on the getting naked thing. Then the old guys says not to worry that just the guys are going to be playing and whoever wins gets to pick the girl of their choice to do a striptease for everyone. I thought that this might get some resistance from the "These boots are made for walking crew", but they just stood there smiling. Now this was more like how I had envisioned it. I told him to deal the cards.
Old guy deals the cards and when all said and done my "Player" friend wins the hand. I crossed my fingers and tried with all my might to send my friend a message with my mind, "pick the Asian chick, pick the Asian chick, pick the Asian chick,...". Apparently I don't have mental telepathy because he picked that Annie Lennox girl that he had a hankering for. Damn! That's ok, because I still realized that if one of the girls was getting naked then there was a good chance that all of the girls would get naked (except my friend who was still sticking to her guns on the getting naked part).
Now here's a part that I forgot to mention. At one point during the night one of my friends had told the old guy that I wrote and sang these stupid ass drunk songs, so the Annie Lennox girl puts a stipulation on the nakedness that I had to sing a song before she would dance. I was not in the mood to at all to sing basically do to the fact that I didn't want the girls to get out of the getting naked mood, so I said I couldn't because I didn't have a guitar (this is my standard response when I don't want to sing and just want to watch naked chicks dance). But low and behold the old guy says no problem and orders one of the girls to go get me a guitar. Crap, not what I had planned.
Now the old dude ushers us all off to his den. The den basically consisted of a big screen TV, two large couches and a desk. The Asian girl at this point is still not sitting by me or even acknowledging my presence. My hopes are still high that the Annie Lennox girl dancing will spring her into more of a friendly mood. Anyway the older boots are made for walking girl comes back with guitar for me to throw down some fresh tunes on. So I get up and start playing "BadHair Day" for everyone. When I finish I look at my Annie Lennox- old man audience for a reaction. Crickets. No one said a word they all just sat there staring at me. Then one of my friends tells me to play "Road trip", and I try my best to just sit down but Annie Lennox tells me she ain't dancing unless I can sing a better song. So grimacing I play through a quick rendition of "Road Trip". More crickets. More grimacing from me. Then the old guy says that that song would be great if the lyrics were different. More grimacing from me. Then he says that I better play another song if I want ole' Annie to dance. At this point I wasn't really giving a crap whether Annie danced or not, but I could see the pleading look in my "Player" friends eyes so I pulled some love song out of my ass and played it (forgetting like half the words). Then I got the "much better" sign from Annie Lennox who apparently was now ready to get her dance on.
My "Player" friend was now flippin giddy like a school girl. His eyes got all big and he was sitting on the edge of his seat with his hands clasped together waiting for the show. She tossed a CD into the player and got into a hands on hips Wonder Woman pose waiting for the music to start. Then from out of the speakers came this Solid Gold Deon Warwick song that made Annie start tapping one of her feet. Then she put both her hands together in front of her face and raised them as high as she could in the air and then capped the move off with Jazz Hands down to her side again. Then she took one leg and kicked up and touched her hand, in the process flashing an underwear shot at the "Player" who pretty much wet himself right there. Then she did the same thing with the other leg. She then proceeded to unzip her top halfway (which showed absolutely no skin), and I could tell the "Player" was doing his damnedest to keep himself under control. She continued to flail around the floor doing what I can only describe as these cheerleader on crack moves, until the song came to an end and she ended with more Jazz Hands and finely settling into the Wonder Woman pose again. Once she was done with her weird crazy dance the old man, all his women, and the "Player" burst into applause. Now I was thinking that she was going to do another song (one where she actually got naked or showed a nipple or something), but instead she excused herself and left the room. Immediately afterwards the old man got up and left in the same direction as Annie Lennox. Now I was debating on whether or not to ask the Asian girl if she had a dance of her own, but then thought better of it when I noticed that the remainder of the girls were ignoring us and talking amongst themselves to the side. So I just sat there. After about 15 minutes the "Player" (still beaming from Annie Lennox's dance show) inquires as to what could have happened to the old man and Annie. The girls just continue to ignore him. 15 more minutes pass and still no Annie or old man. "Player" is about to go crazy, and I'm just looking at him pitifully. At this point it's just to weird for me, so me and my group of friends decided that it's time to leave. So we all get up (even the "Player" begrudgingly) and head for the door. The Asian girl looks up and says something as we walk by, but we just keep on walking not even turning around. We walk straight to the garage and get in the car. As we head toward the exit (all of us with our fingers crossed that the gate wouldn't be locked), the "Player" says he's feeling kind of sick from the drink that the old man made for him. Then I breath a sigh of relief as we pull through the gate that is still wide open.

Tale of the- These Boots Are Made For Walking, Annie Lennox Cult -Part 1

Have any of you guys ever been abducted by a cult? I'm just asking because I'm pretty sure that's what happened to me Saturday night. I can't say for certain that it was a cult, so I'll just spin my tale and let you decide (this is a long story so I'm going to make it into a two parter because I'm a slow typer, hope you don't mind)

It was Saturday night and I was drunk.
I was at one of the local bars that stay open until three o'clock with three of my friends. I noticed a very attractive Asian girl checking me out while she was dancing. At this point I asked one of my friends to verify that this girl was indeed checking me out and not my drunk eye playing tricks on me again (I have been known to think every girl in the bar is checking me out when the drunk eye kicks in). He confirmed that this girl did appear to be setting her attentions on me. Now, I would like to describe how this girl was dressed- she had on a mini- mini -mini skirt, with tall Nancy Sinatra hooker boots. I personally was a big fan of her choice of attire.
After the song was finished the girl walked over to her table where there was an older fat guy, whom she started leaning on, and two other girls. One of the girls was bleach blonde and had her hair cut short so she looked like a young Annie Lennox, and the other was a brunette with the same short Annie Lennox cut.
This is when one of my friends who fancies himself a "Player", decides that he has taken a liking to the Annie Lennox girl, and goes over to their table to show off his "Game". Apparently the "Game" is working because he is talking to everyone at the table for like 10 minutes. Then he starts walking back towards me with the Asian girl. She tells me her name and asks if I'd like to dance. Being the gentleman that I am I agree, and take her out to the dance floor where she proceeds to grind on me like a stripper pole. I was taken by surprise, but again being the gentleman I am, I decided not to protest. After the song she heads back over to hang on the old guy again, and I go back to my table. My "Player" friend then tells me that the old guy wants us to come over and party with him and the girls after the bar closes. I put in my vote for yes.

So after the bar closes we follow the old guy and the girls for about 5 miles where we come to a big gate. The gate opens and it appears as if we are going to be driving into a lake, until the road dips straight down and I realize that we are not going into, but under the lake. These big garage doors open and I'm speechless because I realize that we are now driving down a long garage with an entire lake right on top of us.
When we come to the end of the garage, and everyone gets out of their cars, I then realize some thing weird I didn't notice before- all the girls that are with the old guy are wearing mini skirts and hooker boots, just like the Asian girl. I pass it off as a coincidence.
Now here is another important part of the story- one of my three friends I came with happens to be a girl. Right after we get out of our cars the old guy starts paying attention and talking only to the girl that came with us. It was apparent that the guy liked her a lot. He led us into his place and started showing us around. The place was huge. It was like an under-lake office building. He had a big greenhouse, were he was breeding some kind of fish (he said they bred them to eat, but he had funny smile when he said it so looking back I'm not so sure). He also gave the "Player" some personal wine that he had made from his vineyard up top. The walls were littered with various pictures of him from newspaper clippings and one from a n old magazine cover. He said he was the third richest man in North America (the dude definitely had some cash, but I wasn't buying the third richest thing). At this point I noticed that the Asian girl hadn't talked to me since we entered the place, in fact she was standing away from us in a pack with the old dudes other girls.
After he showed us the greenhouse and a couple of other rooms with more pictures of him, he says he wanted to show us his "Magic Room". Ok, at this point I probably should have put on the brakes and headed back to the car, but like I said in the beginning I was drunk(plus I still had a delusions of making out with the Asian chick).

to be continued...

Web Site Remodeling

Have you guys checked out my main website lately? That old one was getting a little boring, so the Aimster gave it a new look for me. She even put up some new pics (Seamhead I think you are actually in a couple). Give it a look and let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions I'd love to hear 'em.

No Wonder Your Dad Wears an Eye Patch

It's finally up. If you click on "samples of my tunes" in the links section of the blog and your not still dialing up, you should be able to listen to the very first drunken contribution song "No Wonder Your Dad Wears an Eye Patch".

Also I have a gig at the Trouser Mouse in Blue Springs, MO on 2-11-6. Not sure what time yet but I'll keep you up to date (It will definitely be in the evening)

Also, freakin write some damn drunken haiku, or I think Aimee is going to stop posting.

post for the first time
but I got no responses
damn violent farmers

I posted something new on my blog!

Check out my blog for a new post and my first contest. A prize is involved!!!
http://laughbases.blogspot.com/

Last Saturday Gig

This is a really small pic of me at a gig I had in the mighty town of Oak Grove last Saturday.
It was the first one I've done with my new guitar, so I was kind of excited until I got there and they didn't have the right equipment to let me plug in, so I didn't get to display the whole electric side of the new Martin.

I did play "No wonder your dad wears an eye patch" for the first time in public. It went over pretty good. Hopefully I'll be able to get it recorded and up on myspace for you to hear soon.

What the F- - -?

What the hell is happening? The other day I saw a commercial for a new reality series. Personally I am a fan of reality TV shows. Where else am I going to have the chance to see Mini Me standing on his motorized chair bare ass naked pissing in a corner after Peter Brady got him all drunked up on two glasses of wine. That's just great TV, I don't care who you are. But I was watching Football and this commercial comes on for this new reality show called Skating with Celebrities. What? Have we officially opened up the gates of hell. Ladies and gentlemen may I introduce the four horsemen of the apocalypse- Pestilence, War, Famine, and Skating with Celebrities. Who came up with this idea? Who held this big meeting and goes "Hey you know what sport is really popular? Figure Skating!!" or "Hey you know what celebrities we should get- Dave Coulier and Todd Bridges" or even better who convinced these guys that Dave Coulier and Todd Bridges are celebrities?

Well I for one am not going to take it. And to foil their obvious attempt to make people turn off their TV and do something constructive, I have decided to call their bluff and watch every damn episode. They won't know what hit 'em. In fact I'm encouraging everyone out there reading this to tune in and do their part to fight the TV killers with me. As a matter of fact I'm going to start a "Drunken Skating with Celebrities Fantasy League". There's six teams of two made up of one pro skater, and one psudo celebrity. I'm taking Jillian Barberie & John Zimmerman (?) as my team and I'm putting an official Paul & the Violent Farmers T-Shirt on it. I need five more players. Who want's to help me fight the Man? First come first serve on the teams. Just take your pick.

Violent Farming for the Masses

Paul Shields, meth lab cleaner-upper. Paul Shields, entertainer. Which do you think sounds more appealing for our favorite Violent Farmer? Unless he can make a living singing his songs, Paulie will be forced to earn his living by cleaning up meth labs. He isn't sure if he will be disposing of the labs after the police discover them in raids or if he will be picking up pieces of them after the trailers they are hidden in explode. Either way, it doesn't sound like a "dream job" to me. As of this weekend, I am officially Paul and the Violent Farmers' manager. I may even print up some business cards! I will book the gigs so Paul can concentrate on creating and performing his tunes. He is sending me a copy of his demo CD so I can get the ball rolling for him soon. With any luck, Paul will be making his mark in the music/comedy world while I'm living off the royalties to my first book deal. Look out world! Maybe my next book will be "The Unauthorized Autobiography of Paul and the Violent Farmers," co-written by the Man himself. Wait'll they get a load of us, Paulie. Wait'll.

Drunken Resolution Week 1

Ok, my first attempt at meeting someone new didn't work as smoothly as I had planned.
On New Years Eve I took my first stab at fulfilling my new Years resolutions. There was this extremely attractive gal (you may have to get used to most of my reports starting this way) that appeared to be sitting alone for most of the night. I took it upon myself to make this girl my first resolution victim. After I took a seat beside her I realized that I had made a huge mistake in the order in which I made my resolutions. I know now that I need to switch my order and make sure I haven't fully accomplished the getting drunk resolution until after finishing the meet a new pearson resolution. I'm not sure exactly what I said to her, and I am pretty sure she didn't know what I was saying either. This lasted for about two minutes before she excused herself to go to the restroom and then never came back. I think her name was Tina.

On Monday (I needed a day for recovery), I sucked it up and set back out on my journey to fulfill my New Years resolution. This time I was determined to make sure I didn't surpass the coherent speech phase of drunkenness until after I had a chance to find my new person to talk to. I looked around for my customary hot chick sitting by herself, but when I couldn't find one I settled for the hot waitress that was bringing me drinks instead. The waitress told me her name was Jasmine, which I don't think was her real name, but then again maybe it was- hell I don't know all that was registering at the moment was that she was hot and talking to me. Jasmine proceeded to spin tales of wondrous drunken hilarity that had me on the edge of my seat thinking "man this chick is hot". My trance was soon broken when I heard three guys holler over the microphone (did I mention it was a karaoke bar?) that their next song was dedicated to the best damn waitress in the world- Jasmine. Apparently Jasmine had a fan club. I don't remember the song (something by Warrant maybe?), but the sentiment was beautiful and had me secretly wishing that I was the one singing " I don't need to be a Superman as long as that girls still my biggest fan" to Jasmine instead of these dudes.
Oh man just kidding, anyway these three guys get up to sing this song to Jasmine and she starts telling me this story about how the three guys singing got all toasted one night and started doing the whole Jasmine fan club thing. She then convinces all three of the singing amigos that she thinks that guys that wear eye liner are hot and that they should let her fix their faces up, to which they agree wholeheartedly. I guess she just starts painting the shit out of their faces with makeup until one of them steps up and says "Hey this ain't my color!! I know cause my mom sells Mary Kay".
After that story my heart went out to the three members of Jasmine's singing fan club, and I stood up and applauded Warrant like no one has applauded a Warrant song before.

Violent Farmer AWOL in '06

(AP) Blue Springs, MO- Singer/songwriter/comedian Paul Shields has not been seen or heard from by the fans of his world famous blog "I Wrote This When I Was Drunk" since late 2005, sources tell the Associated Press. Shields, who's legend was built upon fights with the Amish, infatuations with midgets, and oral sex with truck drivers while under the influence of Tequilla, the national drink of his native country China, has not posted on his blog in weeks. Worried followers are concerned that his New Year's celebrations may have left him in a precarious state- like Nevada. "I know in my heart that Paulie's OK," longtime fan Seymor Butz told reporters at a vigil outside an internet cafe where fans gather to read Shield's blog. "The really great artists sometimes go out into this crazy world to find inspitration. Sometimes they don't come back, but I believe Paul will find whatever it is he's looking for- like a fifth of Cuervo or something- and then he'll return. We need that dude."

Several high profile entertainers in the singer/songwriter/comedian industry are planning an event to raise awarness in the case of the missing Violent Farmer. Weird Al Yankovic, Adam Sandler, and Michael Bolton are a few of the artists slated to perform. "We want to let everyone out there know that Paul's in our thoughts and prayers and that we won't rest until we bring him home," event organizer Michael Jackson stated. A date has not been set for a concert, but several artists who have artificially extended their careers by singing songs for charity have reportedly been spotted going into Quincy Jones's "We are the World" studios. Insiders say that a possible title for the song is "We'd Blow a Trucker to Get You Blogging Again."

The photo is an outdated one of Paul provided by his family and approved by Michael Jackson.

New Year's Drunken Essay Contest

To honor the spirit of the title of this blog, I have come up with an "I Wrote This When I Was Drunk on New Year's Eve" essay contest. If you can recall any of the events of your New Year's celebration, write about it and submit it for Paulie's amusement. If you can't recall anything, you can either post a copy of the police report or make something up. Paul will pick the winner but will NOT post bail for anyone. Good luck and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, and Festivus

Happy Holidays, whichever one you observe. In this age of political correctness, I find an ever increasing attraction to Frank Costanza's home-made holiday, Festivus. "A Festivus for the rest of us!" Frank would proclaim. Since Seamhead has been mistaken for George Costanza on occasion, he probably already celebrates the holiday. With the ceremonial "Airing of Grievances" and "Feats of Strength", I'm sure he looks forward to this time of year more than any of us. And yes, I found a web site where you can buy an official Festivus Pole. Six feet of 100% pure Alcoa Aluminum. Now that's the good stuff.

The Newest Violent Farmer (Its official!)

As if I had been knighted by the Queen of England herself, Paul invited me to become a contributor to his blog. "It will be my distinct honor so serve you, your Majesty," I said to her. She was not a pretty woman, but I felt oddly attracted to her none the less. It did seem strange that she looked Chinese, and had a goatee; but then again I had been drinking for quite a while. We both had. The next morning when I woke up in her four post bed, her man-servant brought me a bloody mary. "Thanks," I sheepishly responded. He said, "I haven't seen him quite this happy in ages. Thank you so much." I suddenly realized that I had in fact slept with a hairy Chinese man while in a drunken stupor. Boy, was I embarrassed! I had to get out of there fast. Paul had already left for work so while I stuffed my wadded up underwear into the bottom of my man-purse I decided to sneak out the back door with what little dignity I had left. The End.

Drunken Resolution

I have a confession. I haven't gotten drunk in a while. I think this has definitely put a damper on the creative spot in my brain, so I have decided to take an idea from Travis, and do a Blog New Years Resolution.

So here it is:

1) I resolve to get drunk
2) I also resolve to meet one new person while I'm drunk and write about them on the blog at least once a week.


These may sound like stupid resolutions to you, but in reality they are quite ingenious. First of all I'll be drunk which is never bad until the next day, second I'll have something to freaking blog about, and third It's an awesome way to meet chicks. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier.