Scared of Running Out

I've been drinking so I've decided to do another "Ask a Violent Farmer"



Scared of Running Out said...
Every time I take a bottle down and pass it around, there is always one less bottle on the wall. I have a phobia of running out, but can't quit taking them down. What should I do?


Dear Scared,

Why do you keep your beer on the wall? Maybe it's just me, but last time I checked Wall Beer is not up on most peoples popular list. I took a poll in the office and apparently the preferred place to store your beer is in a "Cooler". You should try this. I think it could make your whole beer passing experience much more enjoyable, but I digress.

In an effort to better advise you, I decided to do some hands on investigative research. I knew I was going to have to take down some very technical data, so I armed myself with a notebook, a pencil, and a t-shirt that said "Lookin for Booty".
Pre-beer passing experimentation, I took two shots of tequila (work was really pissing me off that day, plus I just like tequila). Much to my surprise none of the pubs that I visited kept their beer on the wall, so I settled for one out of the "Cooler". I passed around the first beer (the bar patrons were more than happy to pass beer with me in the name of science), and when it got back I saw that it was half full (I'm an optimist). I ordered two more shots of tequila and used the half full glass of beer as a chaser.
I repeated this whole process two more times then headed to the strip club.

The next morning I woke up in a tree wearing only my socks.
It took about an hour and a half for the Fire Department to get me down, and another twenty minutes to find my pants. It's all in a nights work for a scientific researcher.

I am proud to report that in spite of the harrowing experiences of the night, I was able to record some very interesting observations. Apparently, even though I was in a drunken stooper the entire night, I was able to write "I like boobies" on every page of my notebook.

So there you have it Scared:
a) keep your beer in a "Cooler", and
b) I like boobies

consider yourself advised


Sincerely,
Paul & the Violent Farmers