This is Sue. Doesn't she looks like someone's sweet old grandma? What could she be sitting there waiting for? Is it:
A) for some of her world famous chocolate chip cookies to come out of the oven.
B) taking a break from knitting some knitty things.
C) getting ready to go down to the Piggly Wiggly and get some evaporated milk.
or
D) waiting anxiously at the Bingo table with her lucky doll hoping the guy yells out I-19 next.

And the answer is...E) none of the above

Sue isn't waiting for any of these grandmotherly things to happen. She is actually waiting for the timer on the dishwasher to go off so she can grab all the dildos she just got done washing and show everyone on TV how bendable and easy to clean they are.

Sue is the host of "The Sunday Night Sex Show". I can't tell you what channel or time the show comes on (I'm assuming Sunday because of the name), because I keep forgetting things due to the electro shock therapy treatments I've been getting to try and burn the shows image out of my mind. On the fateful night that I came upon this frightful show I was drunk, and there was absolutely nothing else on worth watching. My interest was immediately peaked when I read the title. Usually anything to do with sex I'm willing to give a chance. When I read the little show synopsis that my cable company gives me, there was no mention of an eighty year old woman what so ever. Maybe it's just me, but I would think that this would be a key point to elaborate on when describing what your sex show is about.
Now I consider myself pretty open minded, but when I saw that old woman come out my jaw dropped and my expression was frozen. The first thing she did was start talking about bum sex, and I don't mean sex with homeless people. She was saying bum sex this, and bum sex that, and she just wouldn't shut up. I tried with all my might to look away but it was like watching a horrible train wreck and I didn't know weather to cry or cower in the corner. As if this wasn't enough she then proceeded to pull out a huge black dildo and starts telling every in TV land how versatile and great feeling it was as she waved it carelessly around in the air. Then she started to do some kind of try it before you buy it segment where she has these new products that she tries out on herself so we the consumes know which freakin toy works the best on eighty year old women without having to actually purchase it. This particular programs new toy was a mechanical mouth with a huge vibrating tongue that she starts pulling on with one of her old wrinkly hands right before she gets to talking about bum sex again. Thank God a commercial came on when it did, or I may have been frozen in that position with my eyes bugged out of my head forever.
I immediately ran upstairs and took a shower, because I knew that something very dirt had just happened.

And that my friends is my warning to you to go cautiously into watching new programs because they never tell you when there is going to be an eighty year old woman with a dildo taking about the joys of bum sex.