OK, I Finished the Story

I finally completed the "Boots Are Made for Walking , Annie Lennox Cult" story, but for some reason it showed up before Aimees part 1.5. So you have to go back two post to read it.

Part II of the Tale of the These Boots Are Made For Walking Annie Lennox Cult

Ok this is part two so make sure you read the previous post first, or you may be a little lost. You know what screw it, I experienced the story and I'm still lost just keep on reading. Also another warning, there is a good chance that this story is going to end up being pretty damn anti-climactic.


Like I said before I was drunk, and this old guy has just invited us into his "Magic Room". All of the old guys girls seem to get excited when he proposed this idea, so I went along with them secretly hoping in the back of my mind that the "Magic Room " was similar to the "Champagne Room" at the strip club (In case my mom is reading-I've never actually been to a strip cub, I've just heard stories). Inside the room were 4 or 5 statues of some Egyptian Pharaohs, and a bunch of other Egyptian artifacts (they all looked really fake) that he said came off of the set of the movie "The Mummy". The room wasn't very large and had what looked like a Black Jack table as the centerpiece. He then tells us to take a seat around the table, because he was going to do some card tricks. What? The "Magic Room" was actually for doing magic? What happened to the "Champagne Room" I was hoping for? So we sat down and the guy pulls out a deck of cards. Once we were seated, the door opens and another girl (this one is an older gal) comes in dress in a mini skirt and hooker boots, with that same damn Annie Lennox hair cut. Now I'm really starting to think something weird is going on. At least before I could have passed the outfits off as their going out to the club clothes, but now here comes this lady in her 40's who hasn't been out at all- with the same outfit as the girls. My head was now spinning trying to figure out what was going on. The only thing I could think of was that maybe they were prostitutes, and this old guy was their pimp? If this was the case why were all the girls standing away from us and why would the pimp be getting ready to do magic? I decide to just go with the flow, and see if I can collect some more information.

The old guy proceeds to do like 45 min. of tricks. He does a bunch of card tricks, some trick with a match and some deal where he makes little nerf balls appear and disappear. After each trick his girls all oohh and ahhh, as if they've never seen him do any of this before. Also again I notice that the old guy is still concentrating every thing he does around the girl in my group of friends. Like I said he does this for a little over 45 min. and then suggest that we play a little game of Strip Poker. Huh? Did I just hear that right? At this point I speak up and voice my concerns that there was only one girl at the table and he had just got done pulling whatever card he wanted from thin air. Then the girl that was with us also speaks up and let's the old guy know that she does not want to get naked. I could tell by his face that the old guy didn't like the fact that our friend wasn't budging on the getting naked thing. Then the old guys says not to worry that just the guys are going to be playing and whoever wins gets to pick the girl of their choice to do a striptease for everyone. I thought that this might get some resistance from the "These boots are made for walking crew", but they just stood there smiling. Now this was more like how I had envisioned it. I told him to deal the cards.
Old guy deals the cards and when all said and done my "Player" friend wins the hand. I crossed my fingers and tried with all my might to send my friend a message with my mind, "pick the Asian chick, pick the Asian chick, pick the Asian chick,...". Apparently I don't have mental telepathy because he picked that Annie Lennox girl that he had a hankering for. Damn! That's ok, because I still realized that if one of the girls was getting naked then there was a good chance that all of the girls would get naked (except my friend who was still sticking to her guns on the getting naked part).
Now here's a part that I forgot to mention. At one point during the night one of my friends had told the old guy that I wrote and sang these stupid ass drunk songs, so the Annie Lennox girl puts a stipulation on the nakedness that I had to sing a song before she would dance. I was not in the mood to at all to sing basically do to the fact that I didn't want the girls to get out of the getting naked mood, so I said I couldn't because I didn't have a guitar (this is my standard response when I don't want to sing and just want to watch naked chicks dance). But low and behold the old guy says no problem and orders one of the girls to go get me a guitar. Crap, not what I had planned.
Now the old dude ushers us all off to his den. The den basically consisted of a big screen TV, two large couches and a desk. The Asian girl at this point is still not sitting by me or even acknowledging my presence. My hopes are still high that the Annie Lennox girl dancing will spring her into more of a friendly mood. Anyway the older boots are made for walking girl comes back with guitar for me to throw down some fresh tunes on. So I get up and start playing "BadHair Day" for everyone. When I finish I look at my Annie Lennox- old man audience for a reaction. Crickets. No one said a word they all just sat there staring at me. Then one of my friends tells me to play "Road trip", and I try my best to just sit down but Annie Lennox tells me she ain't dancing unless I can sing a better song. So grimacing I play through a quick rendition of "Road Trip". More crickets. More grimacing from me. Then the old guy says that that song would be great if the lyrics were different. More grimacing from me. Then he says that I better play another song if I want ole' Annie to dance. At this point I wasn't really giving a crap whether Annie danced or not, but I could see the pleading look in my "Player" friends eyes so I pulled some love song out of my ass and played it (forgetting like half the words). Then I got the "much better" sign from Annie Lennox who apparently was now ready to get her dance on.
My "Player" friend was now flippin giddy like a school girl. His eyes got all big and he was sitting on the edge of his seat with his hands clasped together waiting for the show. She tossed a CD into the player and got into a hands on hips Wonder Woman pose waiting for the music to start. Then from out of the speakers came this Solid Gold Deon Warwick song that made Annie start tapping one of her feet. Then she put both her hands together in front of her face and raised them as high as she could in the air and then capped the move off with Jazz Hands down to her side again. Then she took one leg and kicked up and touched her hand, in the process flashing an underwear shot at the "Player" who pretty much wet himself right there. Then she did the same thing with the other leg. She then proceeded to unzip her top halfway (which showed absolutely no skin), and I could tell the "Player" was doing his damnedest to keep himself under control. She continued to flail around the floor doing what I can only describe as these cheerleader on crack moves, until the song came to an end and she ended with more Jazz Hands and finely settling into the Wonder Woman pose again. Once she was done with her weird crazy dance the old man, all his women, and the "Player" burst into applause. Now I was thinking that she was going to do another song (one where she actually got naked or showed a nipple or something), but instead she excused herself and left the room. Immediately afterwards the old man got up and left in the same direction as Annie Lennox. Now I was debating on whether or not to ask the Asian girl if she had a dance of her own, but then thought better of it when I noticed that the remainder of the girls were ignoring us and talking amongst themselves to the side. So I just sat there. After about 15 minutes the "Player" (still beaming from Annie Lennox's dance show) inquires as to what could have happened to the old man and Annie. The girls just continue to ignore him. 15 more minutes pass and still no Annie or old man. "Player" is about to go crazy, and I'm just looking at him pitifully. At this point it's just to weird for me, so me and my group of friends decided that it's time to leave. So we all get up (even the "Player" begrudgingly) and head for the door. The Asian girl looks up and says something as we walk by, but we just keep on walking not even turning around. We walk straight to the garage and get in the car. As we head toward the exit (all of us with our fingers crossed that the gate wouldn't be locked), the "Player" says he's feeling kind of sick from the drink that the old man made for him. Then I breath a sigh of relief as we pull through the gate that is still wide open.

Tale of the- These Boots Are Made For Walking, Annie Lennox Cult -Part 1

Have any of you guys ever been abducted by a cult? I'm just asking because I'm pretty sure that's what happened to me Saturday night. I can't say for certain that it was a cult, so I'll just spin my tale and let you decide (this is a long story so I'm going to make it into a two parter because I'm a slow typer, hope you don't mind)

It was Saturday night and I was drunk.
I was at one of the local bars that stay open until three o'clock with three of my friends. I noticed a very attractive Asian girl checking me out while she was dancing. At this point I asked one of my friends to verify that this girl was indeed checking me out and not my drunk eye playing tricks on me again (I have been known to think every girl in the bar is checking me out when the drunk eye kicks in). He confirmed that this girl did appear to be setting her attentions on me. Now, I would like to describe how this girl was dressed- she had on a mini- mini -mini skirt, with tall Nancy Sinatra hooker boots. I personally was a big fan of her choice of attire.
After the song was finished the girl walked over to her table where there was an older fat guy, whom she started leaning on, and two other girls. One of the girls was bleach blonde and had her hair cut short so she looked like a young Annie Lennox, and the other was a brunette with the same short Annie Lennox cut.
This is when one of my friends who fancies himself a "Player", decides that he has taken a liking to the Annie Lennox girl, and goes over to their table to show off his "Game". Apparently the "Game" is working because he is talking to everyone at the table for like 10 minutes. Then he starts walking back towards me with the Asian girl. She tells me her name and asks if I'd like to dance. Being the gentleman that I am I agree, and take her out to the dance floor where she proceeds to grind on me like a stripper pole. I was taken by surprise, but again being the gentleman I am, I decided not to protest. After the song she heads back over to hang on the old guy again, and I go back to my table. My "Player" friend then tells me that the old guy wants us to come over and party with him and the girls after the bar closes. I put in my vote for yes.

So after the bar closes we follow the old guy and the girls for about 5 miles where we come to a big gate. The gate opens and it appears as if we are going to be driving into a lake, until the road dips straight down and I realize that we are not going into, but under the lake. These big garage doors open and I'm speechless because I realize that we are now driving down a long garage with an entire lake right on top of us.
When we come to the end of the garage, and everyone gets out of their cars, I then realize some thing weird I didn't notice before- all the girls that are with the old guy are wearing mini skirts and hooker boots, just like the Asian girl. I pass it off as a coincidence.
Now here is another important part of the story- one of my three friends I came with happens to be a girl. Right after we get out of our cars the old guy starts paying attention and talking only to the girl that came with us. It was apparent that the guy liked her a lot. He led us into his place and started showing us around. The place was huge. It was like an under-lake office building. He had a big greenhouse, were he was breeding some kind of fish (he said they bred them to eat, but he had funny smile when he said it so looking back I'm not so sure). He also gave the "Player" some personal wine that he had made from his vineyard up top. The walls were littered with various pictures of him from newspaper clippings and one from a n old magazine cover. He said he was the third richest man in North America (the dude definitely had some cash, but I wasn't buying the third richest thing). At this point I noticed that the Asian girl hadn't talked to me since we entered the place, in fact she was standing away from us in a pack with the old dudes other girls.
After he showed us the greenhouse and a couple of other rooms with more pictures of him, he says he wanted to show us his "Magic Room". Ok, at this point I probably should have put on the brakes and headed back to the car, but like I said in the beginning I was drunk(plus I still had a delusions of making out with the Asian chick).

to be continued...

Web Site Remodeling

Have you guys checked out my main website lately? That old one was getting a little boring, so the Aimster gave it a new look for me. She even put up some new pics (Seamhead I think you are actually in a couple). Give it a look and let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions I'd love to hear 'em.

No Wonder Your Dad Wears an Eye Patch

It's finally up. If you click on "samples of my tunes" in the links section of the blog and your not still dialing up, you should be able to listen to the very first drunken contribution song "No Wonder Your Dad Wears an Eye Patch".

Also I have a gig at the Trouser Mouse in Blue Springs, MO on 2-11-6. Not sure what time yet but I'll keep you up to date (It will definitely be in the evening)

Also, freakin write some damn drunken haiku, or I think Aimee is going to stop posting.

post for the first time
but I got no responses
damn violent farmers