Monday, February 09, 2009

For some reason jagua responded to an older post, so I'm reprinting it here

Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Chinese, Blacks, and Irish Unite!
What do Chinese-Americans and Irish-Americans have in common? The obvious answer is their love of beer. Paul is a drinker of the Asian Persuasion while I imbibe in the Style of the Emerald Isle. Aside from our mutual love of intoxicants, our forefathers shared a common past in the history of America. As the slavery of African-Americans was outlawed, the railroad industry was being born. Cheap labor was needed to build the massive rail system, so Chinese and Irish immigrants as well as "freed" African slaves were indentured into servitude by the money-hungry railroad companies. This part of American history has never been honored by an official, commemorative holiday. Until now.

On March 17th, everyone in America and various parts of the world will be Irish for a day. This is of course because of St. Patrick's Day. It only makes sense that an Irish-Catholic holiday be turned into an excuse for everyone to drink green beer. I use the occasion to celebrate my Irish heritage and to pay homage to the sacrifices my people made when they came to America. The Chinese-Americans and African-Americans don't really have a beer-bash holiday to commemorate their ancestors' contribution to the development of the American West, so I invite them to share in the festivities of St. Patrick's Day as well. I say that Irish-Americans, African-Americans, and Chinese-Americans share a lot of history and I think that it is high time we share a holiday.

On March 17th, raise your glass of green beer or Irish whiskey to honor our uniquely American twist on the St. Patrick's Day holiday. Raise your drink and make a toast to the Paulies, Colins, and Travises of the world and all of the other Chinese-African-Irish-American people who will unite for one special night of over-drinking and revelry. (Note to Paul and Colin: Saying "Kiss me, I'm Irish" to every girl in the bar will eventually meet success. That's what they call it "the luck of the Irish!" Just don't offer to show them your leprechaun.)
Posted by BlogDaddy at 7:30 PM
Seamhead said...
How come you never invite the Chamorros to share your stinkin' green beer?

8:16 PM
Violent Farmer said...
Blog Daddy, I don't know if you realize this, but the other half that's not Chinese is Irish. I'm pretty much just as much Irish as I am Chinese. Also the 17th is Web-mistress Aimee's B-day, so don't forget to toast to dat.

6:16 PM
BlogDaddy said...
I'll definately drink to that! Happy B-Day Aimee...I'd give you a spankin' if I weren't married. Oh, hell, my wife won't care. She would be disappointed if I didn't give you a birthday spankin'. (She knows exactly who she's married to.)

10:11 PM
~~Aimee~~ said...
Seamhead--The Irish will always share their green beer.... as long as you buy them one...

Paul--I knew your other half was Irish, because you have a big f'ing head! And I say that, speaking from experience... Oh wait, that could be taken a couple of different ways. By experience, I mean I have a big head too. ;)

Travis--Yay, birthday spankings all around! lol I haven't forgotten about your shirt... I promise, it's just been crazy busy for me.

1:02 PM
Seamhead said...
Aimee, you can see how bdaddy and the VF ignore me. Like Chamorros don't even exist. Infuriating.

I'm spending a week in KC in May. I plan on kicking some chink/Mick ass.

2:56 PM
BlogDaddy said...
I have to admit that I had never heard of Chamorros until seamhead mentioned the term. Thru diligent research I have discovered that though indiginous to the Mariana Islands and Guam, Chamorros have migrated to American soil in substantial numbers as have many Irish, Chinese, and Africans (the groups I proposed form a St. Patrick's Day coalition.)

Chamorros have to be included in this coalition in order to solidify the movement. I apologize for not taking action on this matter sooner. I was out of town this weekend, and unable to make contact with the blogosphere. Seamhead, please accept my apology and invitation on behalf of your people to join us in our spirited attempt to drink all of the green beer in the world on Friday, March 17.

Chinese, Blacks, Chamorros, and Irish Unite!

10:06 AM
jagua piru said...
What do you call 1,000 chamorros chained together at the bottom of the pacific....



um... please accept my apologies for my cultural insensativity. I am an Ass. But man, wasn't that funny! :-)

7:59 AM
Anonymous said...
For you jagua piru..

you are a piece of shit!
why do you have to say shit about chamorros like that? and no that wasn't funny you ignorant bitch!

9:52 PM

Monday, December 22, 2008

Conspiracy Theory

Wayne Newton was never in Canada in 1961. So it would appear impossible that he could have conceived KD Lang- the Canadian born songstress who looks eerily similar to the Vegas icon, as per Paulie's theory. However, there is another possibility to consider. Where was Lang's mother in February, 1961? If KD was born on November 2nd, then she was likely conceived on or around February 2nd. Where were Audrey Lang and Wayne Newton on Groundhog Day 1961? After extensive online research, I have determined than no one can confirm the location of either of these people. Therefore, it is reasonable to conclude that they were in fact attending the Groundhog Day festivities in Punxsutauney, Pennsylvania that day. My research indicates that Punxutauney Phil saw saw his shadow at 7:41 that morning. The temperature was 25 below zero at that time. My theory is that while the revelers were witnessing the reluctant marmoset being coerced from its burrow in the freezing weather, two strangers huddled in a coffee house across the street to escape the cold. A conversation took place and a brief, yet torrid love affair ensued. Revealing that she was married, Audrey rebuffed the advances of the "Danka Schoen" crooner. Devasted, Newton went back to Las Vegas and in the following weeks and recorded what would be known by music historians as his "Dark Album."

Due to the overwhelming volume of this convincing evidence I think it is reasonable to conclude that The Violent Farmer's theory that KD Lang is the love child of Wayne Newton is true. (Note to Ms. Lang's and Mr. Newton's attourneys: It was all Paulie's idea.) Now you know.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Newton- Lang Files

A couple of months ago while channel surfing, I happened upon a documentary on Wayne Newton. The odd thing (besides the fact that I stopped on a Wayne Newton Documentary)is that up until about 5 minutes before it was over I thought I was watching a special on KD Lang. The resemblance was uncanny. The hair, the face, the posture, the breasts it was all amazingly eerie. Could it be? Was I the only one that noticed? Had anyone ever seen these two powerhouses of the music world in the same place at the same time? I was convinced that Wayne Newton and KD Lang were one and the same person. I set out to prove my hypothesis correct, and in the process possibly bust open perhaps the best kept secret in entertainment.

I started and ended my research where every sleuth worth his sleuthing badge would have started- on Wikipedia. Upon reading the first line, I found out that Wayne was born in Virginia in 1942, which threw a major wrench in my theory, because KD was born almost 20 years later in Canada!! Uhggggg!! One line into my Wika research and every idea I had was shot full of holes. I started brainstorming. I didn't sleep for days. This couldn't just be an odd coincidence could it? Was I imagining it all? That's when it came to me. All these sleepless nights with hours upon hours of worrying, and I finally realized that my ideas weren't crap, I just hadn't put them together in the right order yet. This was something bigger than I had originally thought. This was going to put me on the gumshoe map. this is something so big, that if this post isn't erased and confiscated by the CIA 24 hours after I post it, I'll be very, very surprised. So hold on to your seats, because here is the dark secret that I have finally uncovered:

Wayne Newton is KD Lang's mother!!!!!!!!!!

Didn't I tell you it would be amazing? That's exactly how I felt when I realized what I had uncovered. This would have put Wayne at about 19 years old, which is his "Chubby" phase, or what I realize now was his "Pregnant" phase. Now all I need is some hard evidence that puts Wayne in Canada around 1961. So if anyone reading this has some ticket stubs or Hotel bills that may help support my findings, please e-mail me.

Next I set out to prove that Wayne Newton is actually the chick that sings "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas"

Monday, October 06, 2008

KU Farce

This is a video from earlier this year during March Madness. After the video there are some good outtakes worth watching too.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

$3 a day Ramen Diet day 6

I pooped this weekend!!!

Sunday was the Viking Queens birthday, so I got off the diet for a meal. I had a cheeseburger at the Westport Flea Market, and it was the best f-in cheeseburger I've ever eaten. I'm pretty sure whatever I ate would have been the best thing I'd ever eaten after 5 days of Ramen.

Anyway I'm back on the Ramen again.

I'm feeling great and can't wait till dinner so I can eat some more Ramen, sausage and eggs.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Ramen Update

I have located Ramen priced at $2.25 for 12. For the record, my poop schedule is still normal, 17 times a day.

$3 a Day Ramen Diet Day 2

I weighed myself today. I was tipping the scale at a Rubenesque 185. I weighed yesterday and I was at 200. I've lost 15 pounds in one day!!! I think I need to get a new scale.

one packet of Ramen with 1/2 a flavor packet(Beef): $.09- 380 calories
one Diet Soda: $.60- 0 calories

one packet of Ramen no flavor pack: $.09- 380 CALORIES
1/3 pound ground beef: $.75- 518 calories
cream of chicken soup: $.25- 75 calories
one diet soda: $.60- 0 calories

one packet of Ramen with 1/2 a flavor packet (chicken): $.09- 380 calories
handful of cashews: $.50- 156 calories
I drank water: $.00- 0 calories

$2.97 total for day 2

At the end of the day I'm feeling just peachy, although I have noticed that I haven't pooped yet.

I'm looking for some delicious Ramen dessert ideas