Paul Shields- Are You Ready to be a Superstar?!

As Paul & The Violent Farmers' manager and promoter, I have begun a campaign that will launch the career of our favorite Farmer into the laugh-o-sphere. I call it the "2006 I Wrote This When I Was Drunk World Tour". I have narrowed the list of venues in Columbia that are capable of showcasing Paul's emmense talent to eight. Obviously, the content of Paul's material makes it very important to find venues where positively no children will be present. These places include comedy clubs, night clubs, and strip clubs. I have written letters to the talent coordinators and club owners of these establishments and included a copy of Paul's demo CD (with a parental advisory warning) as well. Hopefully, we will begin receiving overwhelming responses as soon as next week.

I am sorry it took so long to get the ball rolling, Paulie. My only excuse is that I have the mental capacity and attention span of a gnat. After we conquer Columbia, we'll set our sights on the rest of the world. Buckle up...its going to be one helluva ride!

Blog Daddy-Scavenger Hunter

I thought someone should set the bar for others to reach for in the St. Paddy's/Aimeefest Scavenger Hunt. Here is my effort (before even heading to the bars.)

1. Pack of mints (in hand).
2. Plunger
3. Button (Says "Happy St. Patty's Day" instead of "Kiss Me I'm Irish")
4. I.D. (in hand) proving my last name is Irish (Naughton was Mac Naughton in the old country.)
5. Camoflage bandana
6. Eye patch
7. Green underwear (with shamrocks)
8. And I am a dirty old man.

That's eight items without leaving the house. Now let's see who can top that. May the luck of the Irish be with you.

The List

Here is the scavenger Hunt list so far. Final plea for more ideas


Miscellaneous
pack of mints
plunger
wallet with a chain
anything with "Git er Done"
picture of a monkey
"Kiss Me I'm Irish" button
Condom

ID Required
Irish name
porno/ stripper name
birthday today

Appearances
green make-up
green jewelry
unibrow
comb-over/ toupee
tattoo of someone's name
tattoo of an animal
mullet

Attire
camouflage
eye patch
green underwear

Look Alike
Dirty Old Man
Hooker
Kenny Rogers
Wynona Judd

Stunts
person w/ whole fist in their mouth
person can touch nose with tongue
piggy back riders
pole dancer
team signs someone's body

Birthday Girl
lap dance
body shot

Aimeefest 2006

As I've mentioned in previous posts Friday is not only St. Patty's day, but also the Aimsters B-Day. Last year she was toast drunk by 9:00, and I hope to help keep with that tradition again this year. As normal we will be bar hopping, but this year I think we are going to put a little twist on the festivities, in the form of a "Drunken Bar Hopping Scavenger Hunt".
At each bar we are going to be split into teams with a list of stupid stuff to find. Here is were I could use a little help- what do I put on the list? Here are a couple of things I was thinking about:

Green Underwear (extra points if its a bra and panties both)
Mullet (extra points if its a female)
Uni-Brow (extra points for a female)
Kenny Rogers (again extra points for a female)
Piggy Back Riders (extra points if its a dude ridding on a girls back)
Animal tattoo (extra points if it's a cartoon animal- Tweety Bird, Mighty Mouse, etc.)


So anybody else got some ideas?

Chinese, Blacks, and Irish Unite!

What do Chinese-Americans and Irish-Americans have in common? The obvious answer is their love of beer. Paul is a drinker of the Asian Persuasion while I imbibe in the Style of the Emerald Isle. Aside from our mutual love of intoxicants, our forefathers shared a common past in the history of America. As the slavery of African-Americans was outlawed, the railroad industry was being born. Cheap labor was needed to build the massive rail system, so Chinese and Irish immigrants as well as "freed" African slaves were indentured into servitude by the money-hungry railroad companies. This part of American history has never been honored by an official, commemorative holiday. Until now.

On March 17th, everyone in America and various parts of the world will be Irish for a day. This is of course because of St. Patrick's Day. It only makes sense that an Irish-Catholic holiday be turned into an excuse for everyone to drink green beer. I use the occasion to celebrate my Irish heritage and to pay homage to the sacrifices my people made when they came to America. The Chinese-Americans and African-Americans don't really have a beer-bash holiday to commemorate their ancestors' contribution to the development of the American West, so I invite them to share in the festivities of St. Patrick's Day as well. I say that Irish-Americans, African-Americans, and Chinese-Americans share a lot of history and I think that it is high time we share a holiday.

On March 17th, raise your glass of green beer or Irish whiskey to honor our uniquely American twist on the St. Patrick's Day holiday. Raise your drink and make a toast to the Paulies, Colins, and Travises of the world and all of the other Chinese-African-Irish-American people who will unite for one special night of over-drinking and revelry. (Note to Paul and Colin: Saying "Kiss me, I'm Irish" to every girl in the bar will eventually meet success. That's what they call it "the luck of the Irish!" Just don't offer to show them your leprechaun.)