Drunken Resolution Week 1

Ok, my first attempt at meeting someone new didn't work as smoothly as I had planned.
On New Years Eve I took my first stab at fulfilling my new Years resolutions. There was this extremely attractive gal (you may have to get used to most of my reports starting this way) that appeared to be sitting alone for most of the night. I took it upon myself to make this girl my first resolution victim. After I took a seat beside her I realized that I had made a huge mistake in the order in which I made my resolutions. I know now that I need to switch my order and make sure I haven't fully accomplished the getting drunk resolution until after finishing the meet a new pearson resolution. I'm not sure exactly what I said to her, and I am pretty sure she didn't know what I was saying either. This lasted for about two minutes before she excused herself to go to the restroom and then never came back. I think her name was Tina.

On Monday (I needed a day for recovery), I sucked it up and set back out on my journey to fulfill my New Years resolution. This time I was determined to make sure I didn't surpass the coherent speech phase of drunkenness until after I had a chance to find my new person to talk to. I looked around for my customary hot chick sitting by herself, but when I couldn't find one I settled for the hot waitress that was bringing me drinks instead. The waitress told me her name was Jasmine, which I don't think was her real name, but then again maybe it was- hell I don't know all that was registering at the moment was that she was hot and talking to me. Jasmine proceeded to spin tales of wondrous drunken hilarity that had me on the edge of my seat thinking "man this chick is hot". My trance was soon broken when I heard three guys holler over the microphone (did I mention it was a karaoke bar?) that their next song was dedicated to the best damn waitress in the world- Jasmine. Apparently Jasmine had a fan club. I don't remember the song (something by Warrant maybe?), but the sentiment was beautiful and had me secretly wishing that I was the one singing " I don't need to be a Superman as long as that girls still my biggest fan" to Jasmine instead of these dudes.
Oh man just kidding, anyway these three guys get up to sing this song to Jasmine and she starts telling me this story about how the three guys singing got all toasted one night and started doing the whole Jasmine fan club thing. She then convinces all three of the singing amigos that she thinks that guys that wear eye liner are hot and that they should let her fix their faces up, to which they agree wholeheartedly. I guess she just starts painting the shit out of their faces with makeup until one of them steps up and says "Hey this ain't my color!! I know cause my mom sells Mary Kay".
After that story my heart went out to the three members of Jasmine's singing fan club, and I stood up and applauded Warrant like no one has applauded a Warrant song before.