Hilarious or Horrifying?

Tell me, do you find this site hilarious or horrifying? Check it out and come back.

I found it to be much like a Paulie song, horrifying and hilarious. It doesn't skirt the edge of taste. It wears giant boots and tramples the boundaries of taste. I don't know. Maybe the horror adds to the hilarity.

That's the funny thing about tasteful. It varies by someone's personal, um . . . taste. One person's beautiful nipple is another person's flaming indecency. And I know which side of that debate Paulie is on.

So someday long in the future will they trace the death of the United States to the great nipple flash? I suspect that will not be the case. I believe they will trace it to allowing our elected officials to go on television and blather endlessly about shit they nothing about.

So carry on your tasteless crusade, Paulie. The Violent Farmers will march behind you. Maybe some day those politicians will be on TV blathering about you.

Friday's Show & Week One Drunken Haiku Winner

I mark Friday's show as my worst yet.
It had all the starting ingredients of a great show- It was my friend Nikki's birthday (she's hot), I was recording the show live, I had on my good pants, and it was Good Friday. Now that I look back that last one may have been the problem(or maybe it was the pants).
Signs fell down behind me in the middle of the show, the jukebox came on during the Torso Girl song, I forgot words to one of my songs, and some drunk guy trying to be cool and do the air guitar rock dance fell into my guitar and took out the sound system. The drunk guy did offer to buy me a drink though, so that's cool.
I am officially putting that show behind me and will mention it no more.

Now to what you guys have been waiting for- The results from the first week of the drunken haiku competition.

I received 17 haiku (I think. I counted them when I was drunk so that's not a given).
If the competition would have been called All Hopped Up On Crack Cocaine Haiku, then Bovinebasher would have won hands down.
Howdy and Jeff appear to have a bit of a haiku war going on, which I encourage whole heartedly (the drunken haiku is mightier than the sword my friends).
Jeff appeared to be the front runner to win with the double jointed twins haiku, but a late entry from Seamhead made my decision close.

And the winner is... Seamhead


What is that thing on
my penis? Do I need some
antibiotics?


(the deciding factor was Seamheads use of a five syllable word to end his poem-pure haiku genius!!)

Congratulations Seamhead you are know in the running to win the big prize!!! I'm not sure what that prize is yet, but it will be awesome.
And to start off next weeks round of drunken haiku, I offer up this:

Movie Night
Laying on the couch
watching for her big nude scene
To grab the lotion


Good luck with the haiku and drinking.
Keep checking back for new show dates.

My Drunken Haiku Corner

For those of you who were asleep during the haiku chapter in school, I will give you a quick lesson (for those of you who were awake- why?)
Haiku is some sort of ancient Asian poetry (Japanese maybe? Who knows?), that is made up of three lines. The first line has has five syllables, seven syllables on the next line, and five again on the last line. Pretty easy.

A couple of years ago I was drunk at a bar with my friend Amy, and in our drunken stupor we made a pact to write a haiku each day and e-mail them to each other for one year. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but then again we were drunk.
It sucked. We made it for about two weeks, before we decided to just do seven haiku at the end of the week instead of e-mailing one each day.
One weeks later we decided to cut our year down to six months, and to just e-mail them when we had time.
Two weeks after that we decided to just stop and spend more time at the bar.

Any way the other day I was at the bar again and after Amy hit me in the head with an ash tray I decided that maybe I should spend more time writing haiku.

I thought I would post one here every week, and then let you guys post your own in the comment section. I'll pick the best haiku from your responses and post it here the following week, and then in two months or so I'll give a prize to the best one. Also this is drunken haiku, so if you screw up on syllables or slur your haiku it still counts.

If this sucks or I decide to just start drinking again I'll let you know.
Here's my first one, enjoy:


The Good Life
whacking off all day
throwing dung at everyone
monkeys got it good

Recording In Progress!!!

I just used my tax refund ($68), to purchase some sweet recording equipment. It has a crap load of buttons!!! With a little duct tape and bailing twine I even got it to turn on. One of the main reasons I got such a great deal was because it didn't come with any booklets, but that's ok because I've had nothing but bad experiences with instruction manuals anyway.

Josh (the cowbell guy) apparently was captain of the high tech team in high school, so I'm letting him push most of the buttons. Our first attempts at recording came out great except for it didn't play in stereo, and we were picking up the neighbors phone calls. Apparently the the neighbor girl thinks I'm cute, which is cool except that she's like 12.
These are ony minor set backs, and hopefully I will be coming out with a full fledged "Paul And The Violent Farmers" CD soon. Keep checking back for more progress.


ps- I've got another gig at the Island on March 25th

Amer-Asian Day

Paulie was again in fine form for the Amer-Asian Day show. He forced to me learn 'Kung Fu Fighting' right before the show. It turned out pretty good especially after Josh the Cowbell Player commandeered the microphone.

The highlight of the show was when the trucker from Paul's famous Trucker song sent a note onstage from the parking lot. Apparently, word had spread. Paulie had a convoy waiting outside.

He backed off his performance of the conjoined midget twins song because there was a midget at the show. I wonder what happens someday when a torso girl shows up.

All in all another fantastic evening. I just have one question. Who was that stud that opened the show for him?